A Change is Gonna Come: How to Have Effective Political Conversations in a Divided America. 2020. New York: Oxford University Press.

Get your head out of your @*&. Snowflake. You’re an idiot. Stupid liberal. Ignorant conservative. It’s easy to use a disparaging name to dismiss a divergent belief or opinion as naïve and ill-formed. It might even feel good for a moment but it simply doesn’t do anyone any good because it turns people off from genuine engagement. We speak to, interact with, and even live near people who share our beliefs. It has become so easy to live a life blissfully devoid of any political contradiction because we simply like, Tweet, and share what we find agreeable while we hide, unfollow, and block what we don’t. Political attitudes seem to be hardening, with little to no room for discussion or dissent. Insults are thrown, feelings are hurt, and family and friends, at best, decide to avoid political discussions altogether. At worst, arguments cause social groups to break apart. How can deliberative democracy survive if we can’t even speak to people with whom we disagree?

Grandma told us to avoid talking about politics in polite company. Respectfully, her wisdom no longer applies: something has to change and we need to find a way to talk.

One of the most contentious set of political and social issues in contemporary America surrounds the rights of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) people. It is also one of most perplexing. Public opinion doesn’t usually move quickly on average, even on prickly political issues of the day, but we have seen unprecedented change on issues like same-sex marriage in a short period of time. One of the most powerful reasons is probably the most simple: supportive people from many different social and identity groups were willing to talk about their contentious and sometimes uncomfortable opinions. These were everyday conversations that got people who may not have thought about LGBT rights out of their echo chambers to get them to start listening and thinking. The unprecedented attitude change toward marriage equality and LGBT rights is not only a compelling public opinion phenomenon, it’s a potential roadmap for how to talk about other contentious political and social issues.

Drawing from a mix of empirical research from social psychology, communication studies, and political science as well as personal narratives and interviews, A Change is Gonna Come reflects on the last 15 years of LGBT struggles and successes to answer the seemingly simple question: How can we be politically civil to each other again?